The Hannen Family

A while back our friend Jonathan, from England, sent us a care package with some extra special goodies in it. Two of them were specifically marked for me. I don’t say that because they had my name on them or were marked in any way. I could tell because of what they were, and the fact that no one in their right mind would want them.

Here they are..

(Click on images to view them in full size.)

While Jonathan was here for a visit, we discussed these two “wonder foods”. Foolishly, I told him I’d try them if he sent some over. Joyfully (for him) he complied.

On the left is Bovril - The Original Beef Extract. Brits either put this on bread, or commonly mix it with hot water for a beefy I’m-not-kidding hot drink. It’s like hot chocolate for Satan.

On the right is Marmite. It’s the Brits’ infamous yeast extract spread which came BEFORE Vegemite. In fact it’s STRONGER than Vegemite. Also note the “love portions” packaging. That was an extra nice touch.

I decided to try these on bread, and Kaycee happily grabbed the camera to take pictures. The pictures just about speak for themselves! Here we go…

I’m not messing around here! I opened up the Marmite first. It’s a dark brown - almost black - color.

I smelled it. Despite trying, my smile began to fade.

Yes, folks. That’s Marmite.

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

Taking my one and only bite of this.

Good God. That’s Marmite. It’s quite literally the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.

I’m not kidding. Marmite is INDESCRIBABLY BAD. I was able to swallow it but I nearly threw up. Kaycee was laughing at me.

After the Marmite was done with me I drank a bunch of water and opened the Bovril. Here is the beef extract in all its glory. It’s similar in color to Marmite but with a different consistency. Allow me to demonstrate…

Kaycee had plenty of time to take this picture. The Bovril is running off of the knife like a thick syrup. When I see this I think of a big juicy steak, don’t you?!

I’m actually happy about preparing this. Mainly because, though the Bovril smells nasty, it seems infinitely better than Marmite. I can still taste the Marmite despite gulping and swilling a lot of water. Anything to cut that taste was welcome.

Unafraid at this point, I bite into the Bovril-infused bread.

If this after-Bovril shot looks like I’m confused, it’s because I am. Bovril on bread isn’t manna from heaven. In fact it’s far from. However, it’s also very strong and it helped to cover up the Marmite cess-pit that my mouth had become. I’m convinced that the special kind of conflict that’s painted across my face in this picture can only be experienced with this combination.

Further proof of the resulting confusion. Is it bad or good? It tastes bad but it’s good? I don’t know. It isn’t terrible.

I couldn’t take anymore. After asking Kaycee to throw out the Marmite (I couldn’t bear to touch it at that point) I put the Bovril back in the cupboard so I could save it for the “hot drink” that I heard could be made with it. Stay tuned for that. I can’t promise when I’ll be ready, but it’ll make it on here when I am.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 19th, 2007 at 10:48 pm and is filed under Humor, Louie.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.